Huffington Post poll reveals surprise

An informal internet poll asking what men want from women produced some surprising results.

Rather than worry about the eternal question “What do women want?” the Huffington Post recently set out to answer the lesser asked “What do men want from women?” Admittedly, it wasn’t the most scientific of polls: the writer simply asked a couple of thousand blokes on Facebook what were the things they looked for in a woman.

Somewhat surprisingly the top five answers were not “voracious sexual appetite” or ruder comments on the ideal aspects of female anatomy. Indeed, rumpy pumpy did not feature at all. Actually, the answers made me favourably reappraise the merits of Facebook as a sound method of seeking wisdom and insight into the human condition.

The first of the top five things men sought in a woman was attraction – the mysterious X factor that somehow cranks your handle. It’s a highly individual thing and often has little to do with physical beauty. I once met a woman touted as one of the 10 most beautiful in the world, a supermodel whose sculptured face and lithesome body has been spread across inter-national magazine pages for more than a decade. She was vile: cold, sneering, sarcastic and arrogant,

I found her completely repellent even when she turned on her coquettish charm in an effort to extract something from me that she wanted (luckily, not sex). She may have been a beauty but she wasn’t attractive, at least as far as I was concerned. Attraction comes from the warmth, excitement and energy a person invisibly transmits when you are with them.

The second attribute men were said to seek in a woman was independence. Modern man no longer looks for a weak submissive partner whom they can dominate, unless the bloke happens to have a penchant for wearing leather chaps and playing around in dungeons. A woman who stands on her own two feet, has her own ideas on life and makes her own decisions is, it seems, the ideal for us post-feminist guys. You thought we weren’t listening to the lyrics of I Am Woman, didn’t you? Well, we were. We heard you roar, and we liked it. So don’t try and go all retro 1960s subservient Mad Men-type wives and girlfriends on us now. It won’t work.

The No 3 favourite thing men wanted from women turned out to be fun. Humour certainly helps; in fact it works both ways because many women seem to find it a turn-on. When I was a teenager I soon noticed some of the homeliest looking men, who I was convinced would die virgins, managed to literally laugh their way into the beds of young women. Jokes aside, fun is all about enjoying being with someone, finding them entertaining – someone who encourages you to bring out your inner bon vivant.

“Sanity” is listed by the Huffington Post as a biggie, but there is something in men that responds to a woman’s sadness, a white knight desire to lift them from the slough of despond and make them happy. Men can also be attracted to an ethereal unworldly woman who seemingly wafts through life disconnected from reality.

Blokes, be careful here. Ask yourself, is she just a little lonely or unhappy with life or is she a manic depressive nutbar who will destroy me? Is she a delicate childlike waif or simply stoned out of her brain all the time? Nope, too risky. Give me sane and normal.

The fifth thing these Facebook men wanted from women was support. Men may want women to be independent, but they also want to trust them and have their backing in a relationship. Fair enough. Nothing will speed you on your way to the divorce courts quicker than a partner selling you out, putting you down or running for cover when hard times strike.

Attraction, independence, fun, sanity and support. All admirable characteristics for men to look for in a woman and not a whiff of sex involved. Libido is obviously an important factor in relationships, but sex is a fairly transitory thing. No matter how long you make wonderful whoopee with your partner, sooner or later it is over for a while and you have to talk to them, be with them, do other things. No matter how great someone is in the sack, if they are dour, humourless, lethargic and barking mad, chances are your brain will be telling you, run, Forrest, run!

Not that sex is not important to a healthy relationship. Indeed, another Huff Post article cited a blindingly obvious scientific survey to this effect. I know some folk seem content to live in chaste relationships and marriages but, to me, that does take a bit of the fun out of it.

Still, it’s somehow reassuring to know there are five other decent commonsensical characteristics that can bind us together with our mate.