Welcome back Coro

With Gail Platt in the dock, Diana Wichtel is glad that Coro is back in primetime.

Gail Platt readies for the verdict

In a triumph of art over being trapped in a kitchen with a bunch of culinary show-offs engaging in competition food porn, Coro­nation Street is back in primetime where it belongs. And, it must be said, in fine form. Or, I think it was Tracy Barlow who remarked, “Mad doesn’t even begin to cover it.” In a serious breach of the laws of probability – and possibly the Geneva Convention – Tracy finds herself locked up in a confined space with Gail Platt. So many of the core cast of t’Street find themselves banged up these days that they’re now forced to incarcerate them in pairs. When Deirdre Rachid (as was) went to prison, accused of killing her husband, there were questions in the House. Gail, not so much.

Still, it’s an ill wind. And in blows Tracy, hoping to score a reduction in prison time for dispatching the late unlamented Charlie by getting a confession out of her new bezzie cellmate. This shouldn’t be a problem for a woman who once managed to convince half of Weatherfield she’d had a night of passion with Roy Cropper. Exhibit A: Roy’s sock, returned to him the next day in a resealable sandwich bag. In the case of Gail, who has determinedly set about framing herself for the murder of her latest malfunctioning spouse, most the hard work is done.

With her unerring instinct for imprinting like a bewildered gosling on any passing sociopath, Gail is soon pouring her heart out, subjecting Tracy to the verbal equivalent of waterboarding: her endless whining Joe monologue. “Joe was a good man!”; “Joe was a kind man!” Overlooking Joe’s tendency to steal, abuse prescription medication and throw food at the Windasses, she maintains, “The only thing he was guilty of was stupidity!” Personal best: “I didn’t kill my husband, Tracy. The recession did!” Flaming Nora. If the euro doesn’t sort itself out, there’s going to be blood on t’cobbles.

Tracy does her best to be sympathetic. “Weren’t you embarrassed to have picked another nutter?” she enquires sweetly. She can’t keep it up. By the time Gail starts reminiscing about making shortbread with Joe in t’Lake District – “There was semolina everywhere. No one can take that away from me.” – Tracy, along with many of us at home, is feeling distinctly homicidal.

To relieve pent-up feelings, she invites Becky to come for a prison visit to discuss access to young Amy. There is a free and frank exchange of views.

Becky: “You tried to sell your daughter!”
Tracy: “At least my eggs are working!”

Cue the only brawl since Once Were Warriors to be sparked by loose talk of eggs. Still, the catfight enlivened a week that included Hayley’s discourse on smoke-alarm batteries. David Platt suggests she needs Triple Zs. “What are they for?” wonders Hayley innocently. “It’s this thing that electrocutes people whose conversation is that boring you want to hack your own head off with a blunt knife.” Wonderful. Only a soap at the top of its game has the confidence to run a meta-commentary on its own innate monotony.

In other hopeful news, the Aotearoa Film & Television Awards handed out some well-deserved, and in some cases overdue, affirmation. TV3 felt hard done by when highlights of its rolling coverage of the February 22 quake were ruled inadmissible in the Best News cate­gory. One News took out that one. But it was nice to see Hilary Barry and Hamish Clark, fine exponents of 3 News’ more-intimate, less-caffeinated style, get their moment in the sun. Best Current Affairs Series went to Maori Television’s excellent Native Affairs, a show that can get Don Brash and Pita Sharples in debate with the only collateral damages being the occasional look of impending migraine on Julian Wilcox’s face. There was a win, too, for the channel’s fine architecture series, Whare Maori.

TV3’s 7 Days won in the comedy section, but surpassed much of what passes for local current affairs when it comes to political comment. See the show’s pithy deconstruction of a tele­vision leaders debate:

Politician One: “Dick!”
Politician Two: “Dick!”
Politician One: “No, you’re a dick”, etc.

The event itself lacks the glamour of the Emmys, despite the best efforts of the likes of One News’ glamorous Kim Vinnell: “Yes, it’s a glamorous night here in Auckland,” she piped optimistically. “We’ve got the red carpet here …” And it’s sad that Best Drama – the very watchable This Is Not My Life – isn’t getting a second series. But it’s good to be reminded that, in the headlong rush for the bottom of the television entertainment barrel, there is life and, on a good day, a sliver of hope.

CORONATION STREET, TV1, Thursday and Friday, 7.30pm.

Click here for a full list of AFTA winners.