A selection from the Twitter account that compiles the greatest groan-makers.
It is hard to think of another Twitter account that generates grimaces as reliably as @BadDadJokes.
For three years the account has been compiling the things – sources are not given, but some have a Christmas cracker familiarity about them.
Here are 10 of the best:
A police officer caught two kids playing with a firework and a car battery. He charged one and let the other one off.
Why are there no pain killers in the jungle? Because parrots-eat-em-all
Beware of alphabet grenades, they might spell disaster.
Just passed a manicurist and a dentist quarreling in the street- they were fighting tooth and nail.
I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
Why do crabs never give to charity? Because they’re shellfish.
If you’re struggling to think of what to get someone for Christmas. Get them a fridge and watch their face light up when they open it.
“Doctor, I’ve broken my arm in several places” Doctor “Well don’t go to those places.”
Melon 1: “Let’s run away and get married.” Melon 2: “Sorry but I Cantaloupe.”
I needed a password eight characters long so I picked Snow White and the Seven Dwarves.
See also: 15 of the funniest philosophical jokes
Moa attack on tramper caught on camera
Two-sentence horror stories – 10 of the best
The 10 funniest newspaper corrections
See what’s inside the latest edition of the Listener here.
Follow the Listener on Twitter or Facebook.