Sid Waddell could be vainglorious – “I am the Jackson Pollock of the commentary box” – but the beloved voice of British darts knew precisely about what he was commenting: “fat men throwing things at the wall”.
Waddell was all about the one-liners – “descriptive fireworks”, says the Daily Telegraph – and his death has filled the British obituary pages with examples.
A sampling, from a selection printed by the Mirror:
“William Tell could take an apple off your head, Taylor could take out a processed pea.”
“That was like throwing three pickled onions into a thimble!”
“The players are under so much duress, it’s like duressic park out there!”
“The atmosphere is so tense, if Elvis walked in ,with a portion of chips … you could hear the vinegar sizzle on them.”
“When Alexander of Macedonia was 33, he cried salt tears because there were no more worlds to conquer … Bristow’s only 27.”
“It’s like Dracula getting out of his grave and asking for a few chips with his steak.”
“Jockey Wilson, he comes from the valleys and he’s chuffing like a choo-choo train!”
“He looks about as happy as a penguin in a microwave.”
“If we’d had Phil Taylor at Hastings against the Normans, they’d have gone home.”
“Look at the man go, its like trying to stop a waterbuffalo with a pea-shooter.”