The interception of the 76-year-old New Zealander who hoped to protest against the monarchy by applying horse manure to visiting royals Prince Charles and Not-Princess Camilla made plenty of headlines around the world.

But only in the hands of gutter gossip blog Celeb Dirty Laundry is it ramped up into a threat to the poor possums’ lives. Technically possible that horse manure could cause death, perhaps, but it demands a bit of imagination.

Oh, and they manage to shoehorn Princess Kate into the headline, too.

Quite an effort:

Is Kate Middleton Next? Plot To Kill Prince Charles And Camilla Parker-Bowles Uncovered

The waffle beneath includes a warning that we should not be too quick to demand that Charles and Camilla “should stop down and let Prince William and Kate Middleton take over the thrown”.

I didn’t make that up.

For Celeb Dirty Laundry, horse manure seems about right. Or bat shit. Or something.