There’s biting, there’s diving, and then there’s Ann Coulter.
The firebrand rightwing columnist wins the prize for dramatic outburst of the World Cup with a gleefully melodramatic denunciation of the game.
In the US, “any growing interest in soccer”, she charges, “can only be a sign of the nation’s moral decay”.
She might be playing up her injury, but she nonetheless means it.
Why does the game offend her so? For a start, “everyone just runs up and down the field and, every once in a while, a ball accidentally goes in. That’s when we’re supposed to go wild. I’m already asleep.”
Soccer, she says (not football, because there is American Football and that is all), with the glee of a practised provocateur, is “like the metric system, which liberals also adore because it’s European”.
The American embrace is telling. “Liberal moms like soccer because it’s a sport in which athletic talent finds so little expression that girls can play with boys. No serious sport is co-ed, even at the kindergarten level.”
What is more, you can’t use your hands. “What sets man apart from the lesser beasts, besides a soul, is that we have opposable thumbs. Our hands can hold things. Here’s a great idea: Let’s create a game where you’re not allowed to use them!”
Worse still, Americans are being “force-fed” the sport by the liberal elite. “The same people trying to push soccer on Americans are the ones demanding that we love HBO’s Girls, light-rail, Beyonce and Hillary Clinton. The number of New York Times articles claiming soccer is ‘catching on’ is exceeded only by the ones pretending women’s basketball is fascinating.”
If more “Americans” are watching soccer today, it’s only because of the demographic switch effected by Teddy Kennedy’s 1965 immigration law. I promise you: No American whose great-grandfather was born here is watching soccer. One can only hope that, in addition to learning English, these new Americans will drop their soccer fetish with time.
Coulter’s column provoked an angry response, but this just proved her point, she suggested on – where else? – Fox News. Those who had tried to persuade that soccer was a “macho game” by throwing one week of hissy fits over my column”.