“The main advantage of being famous is that when you bore people at dinner parties, they think it is their fault.”
– Henry Kissinger, quoted in the Daily Express and the Week.
“Al Qaeda’s No 2 man has been killed by an American drone in Pakistan. In a related story, today al Qaeda’s No 3 man announced he’s stepping down to spend more time with his family.”
– US TV show host Jay Leno.
Look twice before you leap.
– author Charlotte Bronte.
“Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?”
– American writer Peg Bracken.
“The ‘right to bear arms’ is not more important than a child’s right to grow up.”
“This is working-class golf.”
– English sports promoter Barry Hearn on the sport of darts.
“A woman in Spain was arrested for stashing three pounds of cocaine in her breast implants. I thought, ‘That’s quite a bust.’”
– American TV show host Craig Ferguson.
“Hark the herald angels sing, Beecham’s Pills are just the thing,
Two for an adult, one for a child, half for a baby meek and mild.
If you want to go to Heaven, you must eat at least 11,
If you want to go to Hell, you must eat the box as well.
Hark the herald angels sing, Beecham’s Pills are just the thing.”
– Dr Robert Bruce-Chwatt, in a letter to the Times recalling the way ads were once cleverly satirised in verse.