“For the past week, my FB page has offered me the same new potential friends: Germaine Greer and a basil plant. Decisions, decisions.”
– Tweet from Australian literary critic Geordie Williamson.

“For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, ’cause that’s one of his fantasies: that we have healthcare.”
– US comedian Wendy Liebman on Twitter.

“Voter turnout in the US election was around 50%. In Russia and North Korea it’s around 110%.”
– TV3’s 7 Days.

“I’ve got my own treadmill at home. I only do widths, of course.”
– Ronnie Corbett on Graham Norton.

“Most of our faults are more pardonable than the means we use to conceal them.”
– François, Duc de La Rochefoucauld quoted in the Times and the Week.

“Had a kelp and sea salt bath. Was very relaxing and no doubt good for me but now I smell like a dead gannet.”
– Actress Michelle Langstone tweets about the downside of beauty treatments.

“Australia is getting a 100% eclipse … as a nation, can we really be happy with 89%?”
– the NZ Herald’s Liam Dann on Twitter.

“Both parties in Washington now agree that our country is headed toward a ‘fiscal cliff’. The bad news: we just elected a guy whose campaign slogan was ‘Forward’.”
– Jay Leno.

“The votes from Florida finally came in. So now Florida can get back to doing what it does best, which is eating early and driving slowly.”
– Jimmy Kimmel.