“You know the difference between a tornado and divorce in the south? Nothing! Someone is losing a trailer.”
– Robin Williams.
“I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural, wholesome things that money can buy.”
– comedian Steve Martin.
“What exactly is ‘viewer discretion’? If viewers had discretion, most television shows would not be on the air.”
– comedian George Carlin.
“My definition of an intellectual is someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture without thinking of the Lone Ranger.”
– Billy Connolly.
“There is no reasoning someone out of a position he has not reasoned himself into.”
– Clive James.
“The Dowager Countess’s fear of electricity’s mystical vapors: totally holding up.”
– Vanity Fair tweets about the electricity outage at the Super Bowl.
“The Senate has overwhelmingly approved John Kerry as the next Secretary of State. In his farewell speech today to the Senate, Kerry spoke for 51 minutes. So, apparently he does believe in torture.”
– Jay Leno.
“Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.”
– Mark Twain quoted in the Daily Mail.
“A new study has found that leafy greens are the leading cause of food poisoning. In other words, Americans have nothing to worry about.”