The 84th Annual Academy Awards (Sky Movies, Sky 020, 2.30pm). Darn. Why did we cancel Sky Movies in favour of SoHo? This year’s Oscars, live from Hollywood, and only on Sky Movies (no replay on Prime! Boo!). Billy Crystal is back, too, after Eddie Murphy stepped down. It seems the French are taking over this year: The Artist is on a roll, having won Golden Globes and Baftas, although expect strong showings from Martin Scorsese (Hugo), George Clooney (The Descendants) and Meryl Streep (The Iron Lady). Conchord Bret McKenzie should win for his Muppet movie song, which means he probably won’t. For red-carpet fun, E! channel (Sky 011) has live coverage from noon.
Homeland (TV3, 8.30pm). Both Carrie and Brody are in dark places in tonight’s episode – after last week’s betrayal, Saul is shunning Carrie, and there is a devastating event tonight for her. Meanwhile, Brody is looking outwardly well-adjusted, but he’s just playing the part.
CSI: Crime Scene Investigation (TV3, 9.30pm). Those poor CSI guys, they can never go anywhere without it turning into a murder investigation. Tonight, Nick is at an art gallery opening when, wouldn’t you just know it, he realises one of the artworks is dripping blood. And no, the artist is not Damien Hirst. Weirdly, CSI creator Anthony Zuiker turns up tonight on America’s Next Top Model (Four, 7.30pm) – the models audition for a role on the show. They shouldn’t have too much trouble playing dead.
Revenge (TV2, 9.30pm). Victim number three (or is it four?) is a senator who was the DA who prosecuted Emanda’s case. He’s announcing his re-election campaign at a party at the Graysons, but it turns out that Victoria is also having some revenge fantasies of her own. (“Emanda”, btw, is what Emily/Amanda has been dubbed here.)
Prime Rocks: Whitney Houston (Prime, 9.35pm). The listing says Pink Floyd, but due to a certain unfortunate incident in a hotel bathroom, it now behoves Prime to play a biography of the sad singer’s life.
Bedazzled (Four, 8.30pm). It’ll be a cold day in hell before Elizabeth Hurley convinces us she can act, let alone impersonate Satan. The opposite must be a hot day in heaven – what Elliot (Brendan Fraser) is fantasising about with his out-of-reach dream girl Alison (Frances O’Connor). The 1967 version is much more entertaining: it stars Dudley Moore as the hopeless dweeb and Peter Cook as the devil. Cook is funnier than Hurley, but he wouldn’t look half as good wearing a snake. (2000) 6 – Diana Balham
Sign Writing (Radio New Zealand National, 10.45am). This week’s book reading is a second series of tales from the Underworld, but instead of the souls of the dead, this Underworld is the haunt of characters who are very much alive. Skin Writing Series 2, playing from Monday to Friday, is five stories by Jamie McCaskill, Whiti Hereaka and Miria George about father-and-daughter tattoo artists Pushy and Niwa Te Aratapu, whose studio bears this mythical name. – Diana Balham