SATURDAY FEBRUARY 18
Kicking & Screaming (Four, 6.30pm). Robert Duvall and Will Ferrell in a Judd Apatow-produced odd-couple sports comedy about living up to your dad’s expectations. There’s a whole lot of soccer and stuff about how winning isn’t everything, as well as a mediocre script, and very few laughs make it onto the pitch. Duvall is a huge soccer fan, apparently. That explains almost everything. (2005) 5
127 Hours
I Hate Valentine’s Day (TV2, 9.30pm). It hates you, too, Nia Vardalos. The writer/director might have hit the jackpot with My Big Fat Greek Wedding, but starring and reteaming with John Corbett in this painfully unfunny effort was one romcom too far. She should have stuck with dumpy and dateless, instead of creating the irritating Energizer bunny Genevieve whose five-date routine comes unstuck when she falls for a restaurateur. Every bit as bad as her Greek Wedding follow-up, which has the brilliantly autobiographical title My Life in Ruins. (2009) 4
In This World (Maori, 9.30pm). A Bafta-winning docudrama by English director Michael Winterbottom about two young Afghan refugees who are smuggled from a Pakistani camp along the Silk Road to the UK. That their mode of transport is trucks they are not allowed out of should give a sense of how unenjoyable this journey is. (2002) 7
The Tiger’s Tail (TV1, 11.30pm). So much potential: this comedy crime drama is written and directed by John Boorman (The Tailor of Panama, Deliverance) and it’s just the genre that potato-faced Brendan Gleeson nailed so brilliantly in last year’s The Guard. Here, he’s married to – who? Kim Cattrall, ageing sex goddess of Sex and the City? The great cast also includes Sinead Cusack and Ciaran Hinds, which makes it all the more baffling why this thriller should be so meandering, tame and poorly executed. Grab this tiger by the tail and it would probably lick your hand and roll over on its back for a tummy tickle. (2006) 5
SUNDAY FEBRUARY 19
Crossroads: A Story of Forgiveness (TV3, 8.25am). We watched Dean Cain being super on TV in the 1990s, but here he’s just a plain old struggler trying to recover from the very real deaths of his wife and daughter in a drag-racing accident. From the US Hallmark Hall of Fame TV movie series, you can expect this fact-based drama to be wetter than a beaver’s bunions, so have hankies ready. (2007) 6
He’s Just Not That Into You (TV2, 8.30pm). Ken Kwapis thinks humiliating orangutans is funny, which you’d know if you had watched Dunston Checks In a few weeks ago. He also directed this patchwork of misunderstanding in which a bunch of Baltimorons, if that is the correct term, buzz about trying to form partnerships. Its all-star ensemble cast includes Drew Barrymore, Jennifer Connelly, Scarlett Johansson, Ben Affleck, Ginnifer Goodwin, Jennifer Aniston, Justin Long and Bradley Cooper: a veritable feast of self-involvement that makes Dunston look pretty well-adjusted. But with so many yuppies to satisfy, this romcom skates over each relationship and settles for cliché every time. (2009) 6
Last Action Hero (Four, 8.30pm). But nowhere near Arnie’s last movie before heading off to kneecap California’s economy. Here, he’s the focus of some heavy-duty adulation by Danny, a young movie fan (Austin O’Brien) who finds himself living in the world of his favourite action man, Jack Slater – “Holy cow! I’m in a movie.” It’s an interesting premise, and works best in the scenes where Danny is trying to convince Jack his crazy life isn’t real. However, Arnie is terrible at comedy and even a truckload of action-movie references – many of them to movies made by Last Action Hero’s director, John McTiernan – aren’t enough to make this an entertaining ride. (1993) 5
In a Savage Land (Maori, 8.30pm). I guess being married to an anthropologist would be a bit like being married to a psychiatrist: you’d always feel as if the other were taking notes. But put two of them on a remote island off Papua New Guinea in the 1930s and you’ve got the stuff of movies: simmering sexual tension, cultural chasms and a Somerset Maugham-ish setting – and then war breaks out. Bill Bennett (Spider & Rose) wrote and directed this Australian drama, starring Martin Donovan and Maya Stange as the couple and Rufus Sewell as a macho American pearl trader who puts the cat among the pigeons. But even with all this going on, In a Savage Land is a bit dreary and heavy-handed: yes, we know we’re supposed to question who the “savages” really are. (1999) 6
127 Hours (Sky Movies, Sky 020, 8.30pm). Or “Gone in 60 Seconds” – the amount of time it takes James Franco, playing Aron Ralston, to extricate himself from a bad situation using a cheap Chinese multi-tool. Based on Ralston’s true account, Between a Rock and a Hard Place, and so much more rewarding than a feature-length film about a guy trapped under a rock could be in the wrong hands. Writer/director Danny Boyle (Slumdog Millionaire, Trainspotting) wrings every available emotion out of a truly outstanding Franco, and gives us a movie as much about the human spirit as it is about the actual grisly events. And Ralston? He played himself in The Simpsons last year. (2010) 8
MONDAY FEBRUARY 20
Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason (Four, 8.30pm). Skydiving into a piggery: this sequel’s first scene pretty well sums up what happens to Bridget whenever she tries to take control of her freefalling love life. Renée Zellweger is still the best thing about this series (Bridget Jones’ Baby is due out next year), and although lots of critics thought this was a criminal waste of everyone’s time, it’s still going to appeal to the faithful. What’s not to love about Bridget teaching Thai female prisoners to sing Madonna’s Like a Virgin? (2004) 6
FRIDAY FEBRUARY 24
Daredevil (Four, 8.30pm). Equal opportunities for superheroes: a blind crimefighter who’s very good at martial arts (Ben Affleck) “sees” he has made a bad movie choice, but makes the most of it by going on to marry his gorgeous co-star (Jennifer Garner). Actually, that’s what happened in real life, but it’s more interesting than this pompous action flick. (2003) 5
Humboldt County (Rialto, Sky 025, 8.30pm). Endearing hippie-dippie indie film or stoner comedy dressed up in art-house rags? You decide. If you can get past the fact that Jeremy Strong looks rather like Adam Sandler doing his “I’m a little bit thick but trying to understand something huge” routine, you might like this. Strong (The Happening) is a failed med student who meets a singer and wakes up in a boho farming community in remote California where the main crop is marijuana. This could meander down “Stranger in a Strange Land” Rd, but terrific acting (Peter Bogdanovich, Frances Conroy, Brad Dourif and former child actress Fairuza Balk) allows it to resonate in its own quiet way. (2008) 6