Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone
TV Films
TV Films
by Sarah Barnett
SATURDAY JANUARY 5
The Animal (TV2, 8.35pm). Hapless wannabe cop Rob Schneider doesn’t drink, just drives like a bloody idiot, and ends up at the bottom of a cliff, sardined into his car. The only way to save him – the only way – is for a mad scientist to give him animal organ transplants. We have the offal, we can rebuild him. Suddenly, Schneider is the perfect cop: strong, fast, smart, and he only widdles in corners occasionally. It’s quite sweet, despite being aimed at the eight-year-old boy in all of us, as he uses his newfound animal magnetism to go after his hippie lady-love. But balancing an entire movie on one man’s ability to mimic a dog, a dolphin and a horsie, however well, was never going to work. (2001) 3
Jaws (TV3, 8.30pm). Shark and awe. (1975) 8
SUNDAY JANUARY 6
Shark Tale (TV2, 7.00pm). Shark and draw – this DreamWorks animation envisions sharks, at the top of the food chain, as the Cosa Nostra of the sea – but safe for family viewing. Some inspired casting – Martin Scorsese, Robert De Niro – gives the conceit some steam, but otherwise the whole thing feels somewhat lightweight, especially next to the heavy hitters that Pixar (Finding Nemo) produces down the road. (2004) 6
Pink Floyd the Wall (C4, 8.30pm). The concept movie of the concept album, The Wall has Bob Geldof playing Pink, a rocked-out rock star – and untrustworthy narrator – slowly losing his mind after his wife leaves him for another man due to all the time he’s spent away on the road. Roger Waters wrote what little screenplay there is – most of the storyline plays out through the soundtrack, with trippy set design and hallucinogenic animation by Gerald Scarfe. Eye-popping. (1982) 7
The Wrong Man (Sky Movies, 8.30pm). A concatenation of plots involving murders, crime lords, hoodlums and thugs, in permutations too complicated to retain more than five minutes after viewing. The post-Tarantino madness is fairly controlled, but not so much that the capers lose their fun. Josh Hartnett is surprisingly likeable as wisecracking Slevin (the flick was released in the US as The Lucky Number Slevin), and holds his own against such scholars of the genre as Morgan Freeman, Ben Kingsley and Bruce Willis. Variety’s verdict: “Thoroughly – and sometimes justifiably – infatuated by its own cleverness.” (2006) 7
Cellular (TV2, 8.50pm). Science teacher Kim Basinger is kidnapped and locked in a hotel room where her captors smash the phone. But by employing all her MacGyver skills, she manages to make a call, picked up by a random surfer dude on his product-placed Nokia. She can’t do it again, though – if the call gets cut off, that’s it – and now the kidnappers are after her husband and kid. If only she knew where she was. Writer Larry Cohen has done this before, in reverse, with Phone Booth: there, the tension built around a great performance by Colin Farrell; here, the Nokia’s battery meter turns in a tour de force. (2004) 5
Vigil (Maori Television, 9.00pm). Vincent Ward’s rural Kiwi epic sees 12-year-old Toss lose her father to an accident on the sheep farm, only to have him replaced with undue haste by a young stud of a farmhand. The Washington Post couldn’t get enough of young Fiona Kay as Toss – “once you’re locked into her performance, you’re locked in for good, unable to look away even for an instant … In her face, a soul is laid bare.” Bit melodramatic, mate, but this is Ward at his finest. (1988) 8
TUESDAY JANUARY 8
Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone (TV2, 7.30pm). Rowling’s Stone gathers no dross – a peerless adult cast for this first instalment of the franchise goes a great way towards making up for its faults. Which, let’s be frank, are many, and mostly due to its being by-the-book. Blame the director? Despite the likes of Steven Spielberg and Terry Gilliam donning the sorting hat, the producers plumped for Chris Columbus, reportedly hired because he had experience with child actors (Home Alone and Hook, fercrissake). The kids do give nice, if not great, performances, and the Gothic effects-laden look is dazzling – but the feel is slightly off, almost as if Columbus knew the book by heart, but didn’t – gasp – really like it. Britain’s finest save the day. (2001) 7
What Lies Beneath (TV3, 8.30pm). Michelle Pfeiffer plays troubled housewife to Harrison Ford’s brilliant, busy academic in this effective, low-key thriller. Having packed her only daughter off to college, Pfeiffer is left alone, to deal with vague demons that are teased out in a sub-Hitchcockian way, until it all gets a bit supernatural and the mood is hard to sustain. (2000) 6
**WEDNESDAY JANUARY 9
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