TV Films
Luhrmann's modern-day love story; Romero's land of the dead
by Fiona Rae
SATURDAY DECEMBER 6
U-571 (TV2, 8.30pm). Standard submarine drama that is all right if you don’t give a fig for historical accuracy and won’t feel enraged that the Americans are taking credit for something that the British did during WWII. Matthew McConaughey, Bill Paxton and Jon Bon Jovi(!) steal a rickety German submarine and its Enigma code machine, then have to evade the enemy by taking it to crushing depths. Director Jonathan Mostow keeps the action tightly wound – “the real star of U-571 is its sheer visceral atmosphere” – according to the Washington Post, but in the UK, a motion was tabled in the House of Commons, protesting the film’s gross distortion of history. (2000) 6
High Crimes (TV3, 8.30pm). Middling crime thriller that wastes the two leads, Ashley Judd and Morgan Freeman. They’d been paired with success in Kiss the Girls, but a dull script and predictable plot give them little to work with. (2002) 3
Suburban Mayhem (Rialto, 8.30pm). The suburbs of Australia seem to come in for a particular kind of skewering. Think Jane Campion’s Sweetie, or Rowan Woods’ The Boys. In Paul Goldman’s suburban vision, west Sydney is the home of a feline predator in a miniskirt and push-up bra. Kiwi Emily Barclay is a 19-year-old force of nature called Katrina, a femme fatale who is lethally single-minded and immoral. With her brother in jail for murder and her father refusing to help, she turns to bamboozling her boyfriend (Michael Dorman). Think To Die For. Barclay, who is sensational, won a slew of awards in Australia for the role. (2006) 9
SUNDAY DECEMBER 7
Chicken Little (TV2, 7.00pm). A kids’ movie with the tag line “The end is near”? Probably, you’ll wish it was. A lacklustre Disney animation that could have done with some of that Pixar multilayering we know and love. Instead, this version goes for the aphoristic “have courage” moral. If only it had been more like Disney’s first animated version of the story, made during World War II, in which a Mein Kampf-quoting Foxy Loxy eats all the animals. (2005) 5
William Shakespeare’s Romeo + Juliet (C4, 8.30pm). Baz Luhrmann’s acid-house-era version of Romeo and Juliet takes some liberties with Shakespeare’s words; it’s possibly the shortest screen version you’ve seen, and we doubt that the Bard was talking about Ecstasy when he wrote, “Thy drugs are quick.” But this exuberant update puts the star-crossed lovers in a modern setting – Catholic, gun-riddled Mexico City, where religion gives the characters’ actions context. Claire Danes and Leonardo DiCaprio are the children of warring business empires; they meet when Leo takes E and crashes a Capulet party. The movie sent DiCaprio careering towards ultimate heart-throb status (Titanic was just one year later), also had a great performance from Harold Perrineau as a camp Mercutio and brought forth one of the better soundtracks. (1996) 9
Envy (TV2, 8.35pm). Ben Stiller’s mate Jack Black gets rich by inventing a spray that makes dog poo disappear. If only they’d used it on the movie. (2004) 1
The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (TV2, 10.35pm). The 1974 Chainsaw Massacre, considered one of the greatest horror movies of all time, is a low-budget, fright-filled flick that carries with it some of that hillbilly dread seen in Deliverance two years earlier. This Chainsaw Massacre is a remake, which must have seemed a good idea at the time, given there have been a bunch of spin-offs from the original, plus comics and, yes, a video game. But with Michael Bay as one of the producers, you might have guessed this film would go for gore over genuine scares, although it is, according to Variety, a genuine improvement on the three – three! – sequels to the original. (2003) 4
MONDAY DECEMBER 8
Daredevil (TV3, 8.30pm). Hm, it’s interesting to ponder what went wrong. Possibly, a blind superhero with the hearing of a bat might have worked in a comic book, but not on film; perhaps pre-Batman Begins, Ben Affleck’s Daredevil is just too emotionally tortured; maybe it’s because Colin Farrell, as bad guy Bullseye, chews all the scenery and leaves none for Affleck or Jennifer Garner. Actually, it’s all of the above. (2003) 4
Margaret Thatcher: The Long Walk to Finchley (Rialto, 8.30pm). The Iron Lady begins the long walk towards rehabilitation. For some, it is a walk that will never end, so reviled was she by Britain’s left. This BBC4 TV movie manages the clever trick of focusing on the person, not the politics, as the young Margaret stands up, David-like, against the old Tory class snobbery and sexism. Bright young British thing Andrea Riseborough, who most recently appeared in Mike Leigh’s Happy-Go-Lucky, plays Maggie, and saves the project from “the obvious pitfalls of parody and impersonation”, according to the Independent. Timothy West’s son, Sam, plays Ted Heath, while Rory Kinnear, son of Roy, is Denis Thatcher. (2008) 7
TUESDAY DECEMBER 9
Bad Company (TV2, 8.30pm). Only 10% fresh at film critic aggregator Rotten Tomatoes. Ouch. But then, what are Anthony Hopkins and Chris Rock doing in the same movie anyway? Even Rock can’t pull laughs from his fish-out-of-water character. He’s the twin brother (already, that’s bad) of a CIA super sleuth who dies during negotiations over a nuclear weapon. Hopkins has the job of training Rock, a hustler who scalps tickets, to impersonate his bro. Daft. (2002) 3
FRIDAY DECEMBER 12
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