TV Films
Including Jaws and Colour Me Kubrick
by Sarah Barnett
Seen that Holy Grail, anyone?
SATURDAY FEBRUARY 6
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (TV3, 7.30pm). The inspired casting of Sean Connery as Harrison Ford’s dad is one of those rare bits of movie alchemy – together, they turn this into far more than the sum of its parts. This race against the SS and the Wehrmacht to capture the Holy Grail may not have quite the breakneck pace of previous outings, but this film has an emotional charm and depth that far exceeds the others in the franchise. (1989) 9
Rush Hour 2 (TV2, 8.30pm). Jackie Chan and Chris Tucker ride again, this time to Hong Kong, where they get involved in counterfeiting, triads and such. The odd-couple cop routine, linked with a bad case of sequel-itis, leaves no surprises, but that’s hardly the point. Between Tucker’s motormouth and Chan’s kick-arse charm, this is mindless fun. (2001) 6
Colour Me Kubrick (Rialto, 8.30pm). An oddly bracing flick based on the true story of UK conman Alan Conway (John Malkovich), who lived it up in London in the 60s pretending to be the famed auteur, despite looking nothing like him. Malkovich is in his element as the slippery, smarmy Conway, playing this sad specimen almost unashamedly for laughs. If only there was an Oscar for mincing. A fine farce before becoming a touch repetitive at the end. (2007) 7
Be Cool (TV1, 9.45pm). Get Shorty may have been one of the best comedies of the 90s, but this sequel fails woefully to recapture its charms. John Travolta is back as Chili Palmer, hustling the music biz this time, after triumphing in the movies. Only Vince Vaughan brings any energy to the piece – he plays a hopeless hip-hop business manager whose attempts to be one with his clients are about the only laughs to be found here. (2005) 4
SUNDAY FEBRUARY 7
George of the Jungle (TV2, noon). Ladies, Brendan Fraser in a loincloth is possibly all you need to know about this live action version of the 1967 cartoon, although it is also charmingly nuts. George (Fraser) in the jungle has an elephant that thinks it’s a dog and a gorilla sidekick voiced by John Cleese in the manner of an English butler. When George meets rich American Ursula (Leslie Mann) … well, it’s a vine romance. (1997) 7
The Golden Compass (TV2, 7.00pm). This adaptation of the first book in Philip Pullman’s His Dark Materials trilogy is likely to be the last: there are no plans to adapt the final two. The studio took a hit on this expensive production and really it’s no surprise. The book is massively, richly complex, and a powerful allegory against the Catholic Church, which director Chris Weitz ditched. Nicole Kidman is brilliantly cast as an ice-queen front person for the “Magisterium”, the Church stand-in that is up to something sinister with the children of the world, But, like her, the movie is beautiful but disturbed – and not in a good way. (2007) 5
Don’t Move (Maori Television, 8.30pm). A glammed-down Penelope Cruz stars as an impoverished Albanian girl in this grim Italian adaptation of Margaret Mazzantini’s novel. It teeters on the edge of melodrama, saved only by the exceptional performances of Cruz and of Sergio Castellitto (who also directs) as the wealthy surgeon who begins their relationship by forcing himself on her, over and over again, until she, of course, falls head-over-heels. The heart might have its reasons, but they’re hard to understand here. (2004) 6
Jaws (C4, 8.30pm). Shark and awe – on the pro side, we have the fact that this remains one of the best thrillers ever made, with one of the finest laconic thriller heros ever put on screen – nothing beats Roy Scheider’s “we’re gonna need a bigger boat”. The shark, -admittedly, needs some work, but surely even Steven Speilberg, who reworked ET to make the effects better and turn guns into walkie-talkies, wouldn’t lay a finger on this, even to tidy up the clunky animatronics that are now just part of its charm. On the con side: it’s the grandmother of all summer blockbusters – for so many of which it really should be held accountable. (1975) 8
Twilight (Sky Movies, 8.30pm). “An abstinence fable sexier than sex” was the considered opinion of New Yorker critic David Denby, which really only leads one to speculate on the sex lives of erudite literary types. Bella Swan, heroine – such as she is – of the Twilight books is played by Kristen Stewart. Stewart does bring something to the character, an almost complete blank slate in the books – a screen for readers to projects themselves onto. Her entire identity revolves around being the object of the affections of Edward Cullen’s (Robert Pattinson). But because he is not only cool but also a vampire, he can’t touch her or his blood lust will drive him mad. See? Abstinence fable: if they have sex she’ll die. Critics familiar with the books were pleasantly surprised. Salon opined that director “Catherine Hardwicke finds the sweet spot where Gothic literature and the iPod meet and make goo-goo eyes at each other”. (2008) 7
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